chatter from the Library Monkey

who am i

I am so lost. I think it is a small part of why it is hard for me to get going with the play. For one thing, it shouldn’t be so hard. I just wrote seven pages tonight without even trying, but I feel uncomfortable about it. As in why am I doing it. Do I want to write another play ever. I make a couple hundred dollars off the play — net. I gross a thousand, but like so much, I would make more if I worked as a clerk in a convenience store.

I’m depressed. I think I need to go back to the home town, which is all winterized and needs to be un-winterized for me to stay there. A constant problem is I am not a good guest. I just want to come and chill out. Not visit a bunch of people who could care less about me. If they really wanted to see me, they wouldn’t wait for me to come to them.

I can never figure it out, one of the people who wants to get together for dinner hardly ever contacts me. In fact I have received three e-mails in the last month, which I responded to and each ended there. I would think when you e-mail someone you would not be surprised if they responded.

I really want to do nothing. Some is I need to procrastinate to do the play. A little is after driving 10 hours, with a 10 hour trip back, I just like resting. I need to rest in general to make up for all the time I don’t sleep during the regular work week.

I’m about 1/3rd the way done with the first act, but I am getting to that point where I have to put some play into the play. I’ve put a lot of info and clues so far, a few jokes. Now I want to start interjecting the witty repartee.

I also feel like taking a nap. I was in bed a lot last night, but mostly I was tossing and turning, wishing I was not here. This is the second or third year where I just didn’t feel like this was the place to be for me. I really need to do something different next year. I’m the only one that knows I want to be alone, and I am the one who keeps making it so I am NOT alone.

Unfortunately I keep wishing for romance, but romance is hardly alone. It is a lot of going to visit more family and friends. I guess that is hardly the worse thing in the world. For most people.

This is taking a couple days to write. almost as long as taking a play to write. I think I am doing okay with the play — if I can get about 10 pages today, maybe less, then I will finish it on Friday.

Meeting for lunch and then dinner tonight. Not sure where the dinner is. I wonder if they people who want to meet me when I am in town realize how I find it a little annoying that they have little contact with me, but if they have a hint I am in town. For one thing I think it is kind of bad that they never come to see me…but I can accept that their family obligations might preclude that (though those same people will take the family camping somewhere other than the Adirondacks). I do think not e-mailing me or contacting me for one year is not a good sign of wanting to get together.

a difference in life styles

My life is so much different than others. I think from so many aspects. From people I know to a perspective of time. I am more like the Adirondack hermit in time of old.

One big difference is I am completely happy not sleeping in a bad. So much so that when I do sleep in a bed, my back usually hurt. I do sleep in a bed of sorts — a futon. I also have no problem sleeping in my truck as I drive to my destinations. Just folding the front seat back and dozing off.

I think in many ways people could see that I am lazy, but when every I come to Toledo to visit friends I get a different sense of what lazy is. I try to avoid as much general stress as possible. I don’t make plans to see 100 people while I am here. In fact I avoided going to a parties. On the other hand I will sit and read while my host runs around the house stressing out about a bunch of chocolate covered pretzels that likely won’t get eaten. There is probably enough calories lying around this house to feed a sumo team for a week.

Granted my friend generally speaking eats much healthier than I do. And in offering all that food she is a million times better host (and guest when she goes to visit) than I.

I’m not a total slough: I wrapped presents for the host; when it comes to getting ready I am in and out of the bathroom — not in the way; and I carry all the food to the car then the car to the house, and at the end the house to the car then home again.

I just wish people would ease up. Of course sometimes I wish I was better equipped to deal with the stress of others.

I have been sleeping a lot, which is good for me, and I have been sneaking in a nap here and there. Yet I still feel tired — speaking of being a slacker!

I really need to put a big dent in the play today. Even if I don’t write a single line — I still need to formulate a lot. What I don’t need to do is what I have been doing — playing with animation!!!

as soon as I wrote that I spent another 30 minutes making a dancing fez guy. har har. I so desire romance right now…

be quick

Not much time to write tonight, played the animation game some more. Went to dinner with the reading teacher. She was going to see the skit, until she caught on that I wasn’t going.

Spent the evening listening to Cracker from Archive.org. Tomorrow is the last day and of course the cool thing no one plans on doing school work. Which means I will probably have to. One of the things I will get stuck doing is doing all the library loan books that the kids will return since a paper is due tomorrow. The idiot MS teacher, is also teaching high school econ and has done just about everything to make it a nightmare for me. One girl turned in her ILL books that she has held onto for two months. I told the teacher that to no response. Of course he is a guy who always tells me about his fines from other libraries.

It’s funny, how you can listen to some music a million times and still love it 1,000,001 times again

I need to start writing down the jokes that strike me. There was one the other day, a simple — not very funny— but good joke and I didn’t write it down.

I should have restarted my computer when I got home, the e-mail is kind of glitchy. Didn’t exercise either, but the g&t was tasty.

Found out the landlord isn’t coming til after xmas, so I am coming home to pack up the truck. I was going to leave from school, but this way I don’t have to leave my computer out in the cold. Though actually the cold is only 40 degrees, it is much warmer than

ho ho hoe

two more days to xmas.

the skit finally came up

The English teacher and her creative writing class has been coming to library the last week to use the computers. One of the girls (we only have female creative writers) asked me if I was going to the play. As soon as she asked all heads turned to me, and I noticed that the English teacher really was focusing in. No I think it might have been a set up, since it got so quiet. I told them to get back to work.

That will be as close as I get to being asked.

One girl said something about how she was in it last year, but I wasn’t there. I told her in my imagination she was flawless, then the girl who I really like (who it turns out is in both of my scripts) asked if I was going. It was uncomfortable.

So it goes. I guess I am a jerk, but there you go.

I need to get my shoulder back into shape and some pushups.

Put $250 into the truck, still a little bit of a gas smell, but that could be I tend to park in the same places where gas has leaked. Not getting a chance to do much exercise. I think during the skit I will be packing and cleaning, so I will be ready to take off on Friday afternoon.

I’m reading, “A View from Saturday,” by E. L. Konigsburg. Very enjoyable. I think I am off to read it…take care